Lost Pride

“You need anything?”

“Yeah, my dignity and pride, I think I lost it somewhere in my first final.”

And I still have three to go. What’s funny is that coming out of that final, I felt great, was riding on an adrenaline high that could only derive from doing well on an exam. So I guess I didn’t lose it in that final. But it was snatched away from me not half an hour later. One e-mail sucked out my energy to study for my next final, one e-mail saying my essay was, more or less, insufficient. Granted, it was insufficient, but I always find my essays insufficient in retrospection.

Regardless of the essay quality, upon hearing that a part of me, my writing, was deemed less than average, that my thoughts, my carefully arranged ideas were certified as being inadequate, I felt, not that I was subpar, rather that I had been misread, misinterpreted. I took the time to construct an argument, and in return, I expect that time be used in considering my argument, in actually reading my essay.

To be judged without consideration irks me more than anything. To criticize me is fine, as long as it’s justified.

But now what do I do? Ask to be considered more carefully. If it has net happened all semester, it’s not going to happen now. Perhaps, I’ll just have to go find some strength in a cup of coffee, and forge on ahead until I can enjoy the holidays, and forget the measly grade of one essay. And that’s just given me the fortification I needed, to be reminded of the fact that it was one grade, on one paper, from one person. I am not defined by one opinion on one piece of my work. I found my resolve to be able to say f@*% all to that paper and barrel through this hectic week. Bring it.

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